What Dreams May Come

Top Song Choices of 2011

2012-01-12T05:49:00.001-09:00

My Top 20 Song Choices of 2011

1. DiaFrampton – Bullseye --

(Great voice and creative sound)

2. TinieTempah – Let Go Feat. Emeli Sande --

(Stirring rap song with sweet beats)

3. CSS– City Grrl Feat. Ssion --

(Appealsto my punky city girl side)

4. DavidGuetta – Sweat Feat. Snoop Dogg –

(Great motivator in the club or on thetreadmill, plus amazingly mixed)

5. VanessaCarlton – Hear the Bells

-- (Soothing and well-orchestrated with piano)

6. Panicat the Disco – Ready to Go (Get Me Out of my Mind) --

(Cheer-me-up/ pump-me-up-song)

7. LadyGaga – Heavy Metal Lover

(My top favorite from Gaga, magically intensifying beats; takes me back to NYC)

8. LauraMarling – I Was Just A Card --

( Jazzy, soulful, and bluntly put)

9. EllieGoulding – Lights --

(Unique voice to a disco-alien-like-sound)

10. Mutemath – Blood Pressure

(Rock at its modern best, plus darn catchy)

11. JessieJ – Do it Like a Dude --

( Bold and clever, girl power song)

12. TechN9ne – So Lonely

(Rap worthiness, plus someone who actuallysings about being okay with lonely, and killer beats, with an alluring electricguitar strum)

13. OhLand – Wolf & I --

(Supreme voice and hauntingly sweet, reminds me of TrueBlood)

14. AlexandraStan – Crazy --

(Saxobeat singer, but this one I like more,yet still has the melodic Saxophone)

15. PistolAnnies – Lemon Drop --

(Country girl band with grit, yet cherrypie voices, plus uplifting song)

16. DemiLovato – Unbroken --

(Upbeat, catchy sound, ‘I’m stronger thanyesterday’ song)

17. 311 –Sunset in July --

(Original 311 sound that makes me feel likeI am on the beach on a sunny day)

18. Drake– Take Care feat. Rihanna --

(Great duet, smooth poignant song)

19. Dev –Bass Down Low feat. Tinie Tempah, The Cataracts --

(Sounds amazing with the bass up loudsurrounding you while dancing)

20. Feist– Caught a Long Wind --

(Soothing, subtle, with Feist unique hypnoticvoice)

Enjoy!

By: Amara Van Orden

A New Year, New Goals and Aspirations

2011-12-27T13:59:00.000-09:00

New Year’s Resolutions

1. Improve GRE Score
2. Apply to Five Graduate Schools
3. Lose ten pounds and eat healthier
4. Be in better physical shape
5. Save money
6. Go to France!
7. Read books more often (make a list to read)
8. Write more (stories, poems, journaling)

"Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines."
- Brian Tracy

"Set your goals high enough to inspire you and low enough to encourage you." - Anonymous

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” - Helen Keller

Get Yourself Out of a Funk!

2011-12-12T02:02:00.000-09:00

Movement:

1. Upbeatmusic and dance (especially if no one is looking, let yourself go)

2. Dothe three essentials: Drink Water, Stretch, Breathe deeply

3. Takea walk outdoors

4. Exercisevigorously

5. Initiatean evening of sport playing with friends/ acquaintances (ultimate Frisbee, flagfootball, etc.)

Focus on gratitude and others:

6. Countyour blessings

7. Doa random act of kindness

8. Volunteer

9. Visita memorial and bring flowers (realize life is short and be grateful for thetime you got and for those you have defended your life and freedom)

10. Cooka meal for someone else

11. Donateclothes and belongings no longer needed

12. Recycle

Write/Read/ Inspire/ Express yourself:

13. Writea love note/ poem to a significant other

14. Writea thank you letter

15. Writeabout your fears, doubts, worries, stress (usually seems less overwhelming whenput on paper)

16. Writea timeline of your accomplishments in life

17. Reada biography about a figure you admire

18. Becreative (Drawing, writing, painting, photography, crafts, etc.)

Pamperyourself:

19. Plana vacation (and then do it!)

20. Hotbubble bath

21. Doyour nails

22. Putsome make-up on (if done well always motivates me to show it off in public)

23. Geta massage

24. Makea healthy smoothie

GetIt Done:

25. Organize/Clean a room in your house/ office

26. Makea To-Do-List (make sure to check off what you get done, always gratifying)

27. Chooseyour most precedent projects and break them down into small steps.

28. Rememberit takes patience, perseverance, and time to achieve goals you will not get itall done at once. Be realistic.

BePresent:
29. Turnoff electronics
30. Learnto meditate

31. Rememberto live in the moment and to not always worry about the past or future

32. Reallylisten to what people are saying

33. Whenyou eat focus on the flavors and aromas

34. Don’tmultitask focus on one task at a time

Learn:

35. Takea class on a subject or skill of interest

36. Learnfrom others – ex: when your father is fixing the car, your friend is knitting,your mom is cooking your favorite dish, boyfriend cleaning his gun, and so on.

37. Learnfrom a book about a skill or on a subject of interest

38. Thinkof a past failure and learn from it. (What could you have done differently? Howyou have improved since?) Then a layout a plan for succeeding or pinpoint youralready occurred successes.

See:

39. Visitan art gallery

40. Explorenature

41. Meetup with an old friend and catch-up

42. Lookat old photo albums, scrapbooks, journals, etc. (reminiscence and let itinspire you)

NOW GET UP, GET OUT, FEEL, BREATHE, AND LET YOURSELF FULLY BE!

No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today. - Brendan Francis

  Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness. - James Thurber

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.  - Coreta Kent

  By: Amara Van Orden

Mysterious World

2011-10-28T00:03:00.001-08:00

Late night dreaming

Imagining a perfect world

A lone

But well-aware of those that care

And dream similarly even within

This mysterious world

Somehow I still am able to be surprised

Stimulated

Awoken

Life’s offerings plentiful

Whether the same, new, or well-earned

Somehow despite the many possible reasons

To remain coldhearted, bitter

I cannot because I still laugh

Dream and speculate

Reach out and often grasp

Something of significance and understanding

Find balance

When I most need it

Or least expect it

See the horizon before the sun

Somehow I know everything will be alright

Having already overcome many obstacles

When love is lost

Or forgiveness given

Learn to love more wholeheartedly

Cherishingly

Find hope

Make a choice

To believe only what is seen

Maybe sometimes it can only be that way

Yet at times

Believe in something much greater

By: Amara Van Orden

The Dreamer's Fire

2011-10-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

Bold

Determined

Lifelong metamorphosis

Self-discovery

Lifelong journey

Of wisdom and experience

Free to be practically anything I choose

Think any way I like

Freedom, freedom is found

Freedom always has been

No more tying myself down

I know what drives me

Yearns from me

I know my capabilities

I keep learning and perceiving

What is right and true

So here I come

Precept-by-precept

Goal-by-goal

Node-to-node

I will become the woman I want to be

Tired of my excuses

I won’t let the pain hold me back

I won’t let what people say discourage me

My independence keeps growing

Yet slowly letting myself be dependent

On the few that matter and care

I have a set of skills and talents

I have a mind full of ideas and knowledge

I have a plan and a dreamer’s fire

That just will not fade

I know somehow and someway

Anything is possible if you set your mind to it

Ultimately, I am the one who holds me back

Holds me down

I will adapt, understand, and expand

Until who knows when…

Break the class barrier

Get out of this town

As long as I keep my eye on the expanding horizon

Take it day-by-day

And not let my natural tendencies

Of immediate gratification blind me

I can, I will be and do

The you can’t(s), youwon’t(s)

Only fuel me

Life can be hard

Yet at the end of every dark tunnel is hope and wisdom

Different pathways and possibilities

Here I go

Striving to be the greatest that I can be

Never settle for less than my potential

Because I am most happiest

When I strive to be my best

When I let my intuition, creativity, authenticity, andempowerment

Flow

By: Amara Van Orden

A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive.
- Pearl Bailey

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.

- Bruce Barton

Repression is not the way to virtue. When people restrain themselves out of fear, their lives are by necessity diminished. Only through freely chosen discipline can life be enjoyed and still kept within the bounds of reason. - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Wisdom and Dalliances

2011-09-17T03:19:00.002-08:00

A memory, a feeling

An ideal, fantasy

Daydreams and dalliances

Chilling warmth

Distracting

Mind boggling

Only an unfinished feat

No fait accompli

Selfish unfulfilled expectations

Pulled in, flung around

Hopeful hopelessness

Cat-and-mouse

Ridiculousness, naivete

Lack of copy

Fuzzy communication

Misled astray by

Romantic ideations

Looking into the eyes

Of yearning affection

Glimpsing warm smile

Laughter for a gripping second

Words soaring, wonderfully vitalizing

Moments of desire

Grasping the alleged unattainable

Like waking from a dream

It slips away

Reality sets in

Impossibilities disintegrate with the

Possibilities already pending from time and space

Realization taking over-whelming

Like an abrupt accusation, judgement

Wrought to one’s character

A sense of lack of power and vision

Just a desire, a fruitless pursuit

The fait accompli of life

Wonderments and flashbacks everyday

Looking beyond

The expectations and feelings

Yearnings occur for a moment

Walking away

Brings one rather to full potential

Despite the suffering involved

Yet surprisingly inspiration and joy too

A sense of accomplishment

Wisdom gained to bear the pain

To hope for more

To see more

And gain more than anyone’s

Ideals, judgments, insincere smile or laughter

Could ever offer

Self-reliance

By: Amara Van Orden

Just Another

2011-08-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

Just another beating heart

Another footstep

Another bead of sweat

Just another dream

Another swoon and sigh

Speculations and expectations

Another passing hour

Another philosophy, book

To live by or learn from

Or to escape into

Another person to let go

To fill an imaginary void

For temporal attention and validation

Another me

Another day

Just another

Yet fully alive

Breathing

Even this breath may be another

But even it has its purpose, benefits

Fully conscious of every action, void, thought, and emotion

Swelling yet diffusing

Like the seasons that come and go

Like the people that stay

And the people that go

Another is all I am

And is all I will ever be

Grateful then for my mind, consciousness

My ability to exist and experience in the first place

Even if in the fullest extents of anothers

By: Amara Van Orden

Settle For More

2011-07-13T03:09:00.003-08:00

Don’t want to look in the wrong places

Don't want to be too hasty
Give in, give up too late or too early
Settle for less

Self-sabotage because of fear, doubt

Yet not be too unrealistic

A hopeless romantic towards life's

Enrapturing ways of beauty, yet invigoration

Awkward times

Transitioning of an emerging adult

Independent yet somewhat dependent

Dreams, hopes, expectations

When shall the day come

When it all can be grasped and tangible

Everyday seems long

When in reality a day is only

One tear in the scheme of space and time

Then other times

Time slips through the hands without a blink

Learning to live moment by moment

To be grateful for what I have

Proud of what I have achieved so far

Anxious, young, restless, and mind wide open

Ready for more, for change, and challenge

Must be patient because like everyone else

I must earn these tangibles

Through hard work, time, and sensibility

Also remind myself I am young

And must enjoy my good health

My freedom while I can

Enjoy this time on my own

Sometimes enjoy it too much

Yes, I will not settle for less

Cannot give up my steady stable pace

So much more desired, imagined, and possible

So much more to discover about myself

And how much I am willingly to settle for

By: Amara Van Orden

Those Hot Long Summer Days

2011-06-01T09:34:00.002-08:00

Hot long summer days

Young and restless

Naïve and unaware

Of the trouble in the world

Or we were ignoring it on purpose

Such anxiety

Reality had not quite set in

We loved unabashedly

Clearly though infatuation

Teenage, young adult angst

We still hoped

Dream romantically in the night

And by day

Bonfires, hikes, camping, roadtrips

Dances on the barn floor, beach side, or chapel floor

Hoping to have the swept off the feet moment

Or to simply have a decent dance partner for once

Ultimate Frisbee or touch football in the park

Midnight movie premieres

Video games in the basement

Smoothies and barbecues

I can remember the gossip, drama

And telling ourselves we were not the culprit of such contagions

When obviously we all could not shut our mouths

Even as small, each word changed like telephone

Mixing up the sear, flambeaux

Of summer fever

With other fevers

The hallucination from the heat

Confusing and disorienting

Like our romantic notions

Yearning for that summer fling

And if it could last longer

Forever, in my teenage dreams

Walks in the park, through the woods

Midnight runs when up mostly disoriented by the fever

Poems, letters, love notes, books, photos, soundtracks

A history of my summer loving days

My coping mechanisms and expressions of love

I can never take them back

So be it, because I was able to love freely

Without fear of risk or doubt, unlike these days

The days when love seemed so much simpler, straightforward

On the way I discovered

Matters of the heart are complicated

Because humans are imperfect

There is a fine balance necessary

Between romantic love and unconditional love

Between freedom and dependence

Such hot long summer days

Ignited my imagination like wild fires

When it was really about finding out

My capacity for resilience and determination

Valuing my independence

My identity became clearer

I fell in love with me

On the way to falling out of many loves

I discovered the true value of company and friendship

We all were infatuated with each other

Because we were all discovering who we were

And our worth

We were starving for attention, connection

When all along we knew each other’s worth

And admired the best each one of us displayed

By: Amara Van Orden

Love Poetry for Nobody

2011-05-24T03:03:00.000-08:00

What if I wrote a love poem? For nobody

I can’t even remember the last time, I wrote swoons

Since every time I begin to write romantically

I remember the times such prose got me in trouble

In shame, doubt, or humiliation

And recall all those other times

Never true love

Only naïve, shallow, lonely love

No, I don’t write love poetry anymore

I just write sonatas to life

Anthems to keep me going

Focus on me, myself, and I

Yet I know interwoven

In my introverted journeys of my mind and soul

Many figures and beings in my life

Changed, affected, influenced me deeply

So, I write love poems to everyone

I believe

I am not the only one searching for

Meaning, purpose, connection,

Peace, joy, passion, and forgiveness

Growth and a sense of self and foundation

A sense of control

I would like to believe

Materialism and physicality

Do not rule us all

That there are values in this world

Worth fighting for and living for

Life feels so fast paced at times

But then it slows down for the sweetest moments

These moments I have others to thank for

For sharing their hearts and minds with me

Letting go of our insecurities and hidden agendas

Letting our thoughts and feelings intertwine

Just enjoying each other’s company

Remembering once more what we are living for

Searching for

Tomorrow seems more bearable

Tomorrow we feel we can be better

Not give up on our dreams, strivings

Become the person we all see each other becoming

The very best of our self

That we can lose sight or hope of

Until someone else comes along

And shows us otherwise without pressure and control, but faith

So, I write a love poem to these moments, to the people

Who give me a break

Encourage me, forgive me

And enjoy the sweetness of life together

And remind each other of its very real existence

By: Amara Van Orden

Resistance to the Heeding II

2011-05-19T03:23:00.002-08:00

Coming to the surface

Crawling under my skin

Penetrating the barriers of my mind

Must resist the heeding

Irrationality

Emotions rather not revisit

These hauntings

Only deny their existence

Clouting judgment

Distractions and temptations

Must resist the heeding

Sufficiently content and challenged

With other less fanciful more valid occupations

Sticking to my foolproof plan

Not to happenstance

Yes, I must resist the heeding

Goosebumps, fade away

Heart flutterings, go away

Wonderments of implausible possibilities

Replace them with the brutal truth

Create sweet memories

Rather than conjure painful memories

Summon memories of independence and strength

Rather than those of helplessness, desperation

Stimulate intellectually

Rather than emotionally

Yes, I am mastering the art

Of resisting the heeding

Of intellectualizing

Separating fact from fiction

And I write it all away

Channel these whimsical frenzies

Into the rationalities of my life

Diffuse the resistance

And set a float my positive nature, full potentiality

Lanterns floating peacefully in the night

Glowing vibrantly under stunning cherry blossom trees

Down a calm stream

Let the heedings ignite motivations

Rather than langour

Squander my illusive expectations

Go beyond the easy stream

To free flowing rivers of rage and stillness

Overcome the vulnerabilities

Recognize and seize resistance

These heedings only yearnings

Of something much grander, greater

More tangible than my selfish misery or blindness

A powerful force that makes a difference

In everyday human life

These heedings only guiding lights

Of uncharted places of exploration and discovery

Blossoming springs of renew

Reaching into the depths of my expanding soul

To genuinely inspire, ablaze

Enough to make me move

Enough to find me in the night

To prevent sinking in the mud or unknown waters

By: Amara Van Orden

"Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves."

--Rollo May

"...the individual is defined only by his relationship to the world and to other individuals; he exists only by transcending himself, and his freedom can be achieved only through the freedom of others. He justifies his existence by a movement which, like freedom, springs from his heart but which leads outside of himself."
-- Simone de Beauvoir, 1948, The Ethics Of Ambiguity, p. 156

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." --Rollo May

Past Wonderments

2011-05-15T05:43:00.002-08:00

Seeping to the surface

The past catches up

Lingering in the background of the present

The impact and depth of the past

Wonderments

The powerful way

Molds my life, who I am, my actions

Strongly, profoundly

Shockwave of revelation

That what I do

What I say, pursue

Choose

It will and has and always will

Impact me in unchangeable

Unnoticeable, un-recognizable ways

Until unabashedly observe my motives

Reasons, logic, and emotions

Hugely grasp that running from the past

Shutting it out

Not so easy said as done

The past is a part of who I am

These experiences shape

And continue to shape

Divert me in many different ways

Wonderments of what could have been

The have not-s and what not-s

Scared and fearful

I cannot take back what has been

Then I remember what is

It is what it is

Maybe everything does happen for a reason

Maybe this is a way of learning

A way of perceiving and sensing time and change

Maybe that things are not always as they seem

Which is why the future has so much to look forward to

Why the present is a gift for taking action

A gift of feeling and thinking

A gift of awareness of the choices I make

Of who I am, who I ought to be, and who I can become

By: Amara Van Orden

Future Wonderments

2011-05-08T02:10:00.000-08:00

Do not just want to say

I want to do

Get out of here

Rise above the darkness

See through the negativity

No, I will not stop here

Life is just too short

To let one obstacle

One wrong doing

One flaw

Wrong place, wrong time

I will not let it hold me back

Only fuels me to be better

To know the in-s and out-s of this world

I will be a Captain

And navigate this world

Like the back of my mind

Failure is only a beginning

A new avenue

I am not perfect

Perfection is a positive illusion

Unreachable

Hence I learn to accept myself

This life

Everything that it has to offer

All that it teaches

That none may ever see or understand

That none may ever surpass

Or take advantage of

I know despite my hardship

That which cannot kill me only makes me stronger

Good things come to those who wait, prepare, and keep hoping

Guilt, shame, regret only reflect the process of change

The change that is seizing through me

Giving me the strength to once again

Rise from the ashes

Only stronger and better

More compassionate

Because this too shall pass

I shall become the person I strive to be

Seek after that which motivates me

Never lose sight

Or I shall truly then lose myself

By: Amara Van Orden

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.” -Mahatma Ghandi

“As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” -Henry Ward Beecher

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” -Pericles

To New Beginnings

2011-04-30T16:36:00.000-08:00

CLASS OF 2011!

Here's to new beginnings, futures, and adventures.
It is official I finished my undergraduate coursework for my bachelor of arts in Psychology. Hurrah!

Short Poems found from Younger Days

2011-04-17T02:14:00.001-08:00

Some simple prose I found in an old journal of mine. Actually, made me laugh and curiously wonder about my young thoughts…

Have I been blind?
Have I been naïve?
Yes…
But now I see
I will stand by me
By: Amara Van Orden

What to say?
What to do?
I don’t know!
I have the attention span
Of a three year old right now
By: Amara Van Orden

Apologize
Foolish behavior
Trying too hard
Raised the white flag
Way too late in the game
Enemy left before I even landed
By: Amara Van Orden

Tigerhearted

2011-02-11T06:00:00.000-09:00

Tiger-hearted girl
Must be…
Strong and courageous
In this day and age
Nothing is for certain
I feel it…
The pressure
To make something of myself
To support myself
To keep up and be on my guard
In this ever-changing fast pace world
But I find strength in my self-reliance
Confidence in my growing independence
Yes, I have my vices
But my wisdom has only expanded
A remorseful humility
Lingers underneath the surface
Ripples across a quiet surface
Shaping me
Lifting me from the ashes
Deepens compassion
Formulates logic
The bigger picture
It keeps widening
My eyes keep on opening
I would have never learned
If I had not fallen
And picked myself up
If I had not been mislead, deceived
Left confused
Yet chased, sought, and received
Knowledge and answers
The questions never seem to end
Yet they drive me
The mysteries, the potentials, and betterments
This solitary confinement
I bear willingly and well
Because I must keep striving, going
Comfortable is just too easy
And challenge is exhilarating
Feeds my zealous appetite
Somehow with time
I believe I can overcome my vices
Enlarge my tiger-heartedness
Somehow, some way, some day
Lay down with the lamb
And make a difference
Beyond myself and this life
Knowing my existence isn’t the only one
I am not the only tiger-hearted
Striving to fill in the gaps
Not the only one
bearing solitary confinement alone
Trying to find a balance between
Connectedness yet introspection

By: Amara Van Orden

“Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible." - Viktor Frankl

"The beauty of uncertainty." - K.T. Tunstall

“He who defines duty for himself is his own master.” - Dick Cheatham

“It is an old and ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way” - Rollo May

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.” -Mahatma Ghandi

All I Need

2010-12-29T00:08:00.001-09:00

Oh, despair
Oh, the hello(s) and good-bye(s)
A part of this ever moving, changing
Circumstantial life
Yet I know who I am
I find security and power in this
Knowing who I am
Whether past, present, or future
Yet the inevitable never-ending process
Of better knowing myself
Excites and enlightens
Knowledge and inspiration fuels my passions
My curiosities
Somehow despite all the pain and misery combined
My blasé flowing self
Gains strength and endurance from it all
I can’t give up
I can’t give into
The darkness
Because happiness is not my only goal
My only drive
Because I know life is multi-faceted
With infinite number of patterns
Chemical reactions
The possibilities great and interconnected
Many ambitions
Plentiful experiences
Hence I believe in myself
Or let myself be
Because it is easier to be than to not be
Life has so much to offer, teach, and show me
With the many amazing individuals and minds
I collide and explode into along the way
Creations beautiful
Or even beautiful disasters
At the end of a good or bad day
I can’t wait to see what’s next
And I simply hope for tomorrow

By: Amara Van Orden

The Sympathetic Boycott

2010-10-24T12:18:00.002-08:00

Apathy taking over sympathy
Weak to console
Weak to express your emotions
Clingy, overly dependent
If you actually care
If you are too helpful
Too interested
Yes, keep that straight face
Yes, keep all the doors and windows locked
Can’t trust anyone
Can’t let in anyone in
Then you won’t let anyone down
Then no one can let you down
Must be logical, conclusive
Because the risk is too great
Because truth can only be found
In what can be measured
Impossible
To overcome the flesh
No personal responsibility
All nature, no nurture
No self control
When perfectly mindful, aware
When willpower feels just as real
As anything else in this life
Impossible
To overcome weakness
To get out of town
To reach a little higher
It is said having a conscience is brutal
But its more brutal to be without conscience
And it will reveal itself into reality
Inflicting wounds and chaos
Unlike the everyday internal struggles
Of trying to be just, right, fair, logical
Of trying to reap peace, happiness, good
Like the muscle tears we can become internally stronger
With each struggle
Must not be politically incorrect
What you see is what you get
These cold hard facts...
No, I don’t believe it is that clear cut
That hopeless, that conclusive
Human adaptability, creation
Human connection, empathy
Just as natural and real as anything else
No there is nothing wrong with caring
With stating your opinion
Living your beliefs
So afraid of offending, of being sued
Of denying people their rights
So afraid of being blind and naïve
Not knowing the truth
Not knowing enough
Of not being right
Everyone is diverse and different
Free to express
To be an individual
At least in this fortunate country
Believe in learning, in change
The way it transforms
Potentials reaching, peaking
Unseen forces at hand
Intuition, emotion
Hope, faith
Willpower
Revelations, dreams
Discoveries
Love
Apathy to empathy
By: Amara Van Orden

Yet Here I Stand

2010-09-16T02:14:00.003-08:00

I’ve waited so long for this
I feel unquenchably elatedly free
The binds loose
The heartache gone
The criticisms dissipate
I never thought I would be free of this
This day seemed so far-gone
Yet here I stand
Overcame my weaknesses
Simply needed to believe
My strengths, my ability
Never gave up
Never gave in
To the darkness
To the insanity
The pain was deep
The confusion a complex maze
I forgot somehow along the way
It was never my fault
Never ever… except
I should have never gave into
The misery
Brought myself down
When I knew I was so much better
So much better than ever known
Now I feel in control
My thoughts my own
My feelings intense
Yet malleable with rationality
Simple calming mechanisms
A learning process
Found security within myself
A reliability that undoubtedly makes me
Feel at one and intimate with myself
An intimacy no one will ever know
Just believing in myself
Letting my heart, mind, and body guide
As one
Your hurricane was strong
Your power profound
Yet here I stand
Implanted in my foundation
Stronger more than you will ever know
Wiser more than you will ever have

By: Amara Van Orden

For all the men and women who've had to endure emotionally consuming, horrific, hurtful relationships. I hope one day you all may be or are free.

Taking Chances

2010-09-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

Taking chances
Taking risks
Putting my heart, my mind
On the line
Embrace fear
Fuels ambition and motivation
Pain simply means growth
Believe in myself
My abilities
Time to take the steps necessary
To reach my ever hopeful full potential
Sometimes just takes a simple act, choice
Ripples through time changing seemingly everything
Either for better or worst
Which acts, choices?
So many…
One step, one day at a time
As long as I keep my mind
My heart open
To life, its possibilities
And the people I meet along the way
Who knows where it shall lead me
Who knows…
As long as I occasionally take a leap of faith
Learn along the way
And never give up on life, myself, and others
By: Amara Van Orden

Naturally, So

2010-08-18T01:42:00.000-08:00

It’s not supernatural
Some inexplicable immeasurable phenomena
Perfectly logical
Completely natural
Like a puzzle piece
The pieces all fit together
Into a beautiful smooth design
Taking chances on you
Yet it’s not scary
I am not running
Because I never felt so safe, myself
As I do with you
My heart isn’t recklessly hanging out
In my hand
I don’t have to read your mind
Because you’re so straightforward
Yet blunt when necessary
I am not pining for attention
Yet not feeling suffocated
Because there is a healthy balance
Of security and freedom
Fuel each other’s passions
Encourage each other’s endeavors
Share an adventurous taste
My love grows steadily further
The more I know
And I am with you
I know this is good
As you bring out the best in me
As a positive energy and joy comes out
When you are around
I smile, laugh, relax
I feel electrified
Yes, this isn’t supernatural
Inexplicable
But perfectly sensible and explicable
Blissfully simple and uncomplicated
By: Amara Van Orden

Reconnecting, Oh, Beautiful Day

2010-06-22T20:13:00.000-08:00

Oh, beautiful day!
Clouds linger in their great white fluffiness
Three dimensionally floating around
The enigmatic blue
Hypnotizing
Yet simply H2O molecules stuck together
Sunny breezy day
People bustling around the streets
Exposing themselves to the bashful Northern Sun
Typical local granolas, tourists, business suits, patrol cars…
And those Alaskans who forget sometimes
Even the beauty of their own state
Flavorful foods on every corner
With each its own local proud twist
Mountains ominously rising over the
The shoreline to proclaim their
Vastness beyond any skyline building here
A perfect day to breathe in the fresh Alaskan air
To remember the world that exists beyond
Cold, dark, long winters
Finally, outside!
Out in wide open spaces
A true last frontier
Full of rolling mountains, glaciers, trees
Rivers, gulfs, and glacial lakes
Ptarmigans, Moose, Bears, Eagles
Magnificence!
So busy rocking to that typical 9 to 5 beat
All it takes is putting down that pen, book, computer
Put away the cash and phone
Step outside
And recognize again the vastness and beauty of the world
Everyone is moving and going
But to just breathe for one moment…
The underestimated tension releasing
Relieving…
The rush, peace, and reconnection with the one’s self
Being a part of something greater than oneself
As nature revitalizes and enlightens

By: Amara Van Orden

The Sea

2010-06-20T09:39:00.002-08:00

Note: This is the poem I performed at the Miss Alaska pageant as a Miss Alaska Contestant.

She can take a bland thing
And make it scarlet
The impossible is not so intimidating
Maybe though it is an illusion
But why not dream!
Why not hope?
Her heart is a repaired lighthouse
Beaming across the ocean deep
Her future not so foggy and dark
But a light of optimism
She will reach and reach
Through each beam burning strong
Until she can accomplish all she dreams
She is as bold as the skydiver out the side door
She will hold her head up high
Unbelievers and critics cannot
Mollify this fire
Ready to step into the real world
And set a foundation of light for all that may challenge
Yet teach her along the way
Her mind is as motivated as the day breaking sun
On the course towards her full potential
A journey across unpredictable yet adventurous seas
Landing-places of generosity
Terminals of spiritual enlightenment
Anything, as long as joy can be found
As long as she keeps striving for destinations
Of peace, hope, and wisdom
By: Amara Van Orden

The Contender

2010-05-28T01:00:00.003-08:00

Feel like I am going to a fight
The pressure rising
Insecurities appearing
Will my feet move fast enough?
Can I dodge my opponent’s force?
If not consequences great
Bruised, sore… pain
But I can’t forget
As long as I grow and learn
From the challenge
Take a risk
Not run or hide
Just do
Be confident
That is enough, should be enough
As long as I keep holding my head high
True to myself
Can’t let the criticisms discourage
But motivate
So much is dependent on this moment
The spotlight, hooded, cheers roaring
I feel a fury within me
Fury that I am alone
And must be tough, strong
Can’t let anyone get the best of me
I only get the best of me
Pumped, my fists clenched and taped
My gloves broken in
Like my knuckles that
Work hard every day and night
For a dream, a cause
Sometimes I forget
It is not about impressing, pleasing
But the rush and joy of going after what I want
Playing the game I play so well
That fuels me with passion and desire
That I only wish to share, perform
Yes, I am going to a fight
As long as I keep my fists raised
Keep my feet moving
And take chances and swing
I am ready to face whatever
By: Amara Van Orden

“The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul.” - David McKay

“There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love.”
- Susie Switzer

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” - E. E. Cummings

“We all carry within us our places of exile, our crimes, and our ravages. But our task is not to unleash them on the world; it is to fight them in ourselves and in others.” - Albert Camus

The Bike Ride

2010-05-26T00:32:00.000-08:00

Riding along the trails and roads
Clarity of mind
Magnificent rush, exhilaration
Smile and smirk
Perturbed, such a piece of metal and rubber
Takes me to higher places
Just another sort of nirvana, a safe haven
The rare chilling, fulfilling instances
From the scourges and burdens
When the going gets hard
Feel the burn through my thighs
I find there is a down hill or flat surface
Releases the fire
The trail stretches long before me
I swerve my bike around in S’s
Stance steady, gaining vast momentum
Let go of the handlebars
Hands free
Taking risks
Builds confidence, creativity
Feels like flying without wings
I gaze into the blue vast
As if it is raining euphoria
The bike carries me without effort
Flying…
Stand up
Feel the wind enclose me
Like a warm welcoming friend
Like a seductive charmer
The moment, oh so, satisfying
All too grand and heart relieving
Yet give in without restraint
Let this moment last…
My legs flail out from there pedals
My hands all around
Dancing…
Pass under trees
Cool my brow
Cross over bridges
They make me feel connected
Mountains, I can too be apart of their grandeur
As I remember the beauty, the invigoration of nature
In control and wondrous minded
Going against the grain of the road and dirt
Let go, so easily, for me, no one else
When I ride my bike
Just me, nature, and the road
It feels immeasurably genuine and sinfully simple
I am one being
But once I become one with the trail
Its natural surroundings
I realize what grand scheme of exquisiteness and life I am apart of
And feel a little more at peace, hopeful, and alive

By: Amara Van Orden

Hello, Hello

2010-04-19T23:58:00.002-08:00

Hello, Hello
I think of you
Hoping everything’s okay
That you’re happy
Hello, hello
I have learned from my past
I have come so far
The way I careless
The way I do
Just because I have to
Self-sacrifice
Hello, hello
Has enough time past
To blur
All my mistakes
My shame
Analyzed what I did wrong
And I let it slip away like a feather
Release of burdens
I only made for myself
Hello, hello
No lust
I don’t chase fairy tales anymore
I listen to my head a lot more
Hello, hello
Sometimes I wish
I could talk to you just because
But what would you think of me now?
Or would you even care to listen?
Hello, hello
My eyes have been opened so much
Exposure to the good, the bad, and the ugly
Working hard
Time is full and plentiful
Yet hello, hello
You are on my mind from time to time
Yet I know maybe I am dreamer
An explorer as much as I ever was
Even though these wrinkles form around my eyes
From the weight of the world
From self-reliance like I never knew before
As I change from optimist to realist
Reality really has sunk in
And still somehow I care
And wonder about you
Yet I know my place
And I know sometimes people don’t care similarly
My perspective can be different
So I walk away
Hold my head high
And reach out in the places that want to be reached
That can be realistically reached
I’ll just become another face in the crowd
Another phase
Then all I can do is say hello, hello
And move on as another stranger
Another person passing by
By: Amara Van Orden

Yearning Earnestness

2010-02-20T19:20:00.000-09:00

Oh passion, where have you gone?
Kind care, compassion
Understanding
Not between these sheets
Upon cushions
Or up against walls
Or in the water
That is a different kind of passion
Not shallow or impulsive
Oh passion, I want to swell
To burst freely
Thou dwelleth so full and deep
Yet I canst draw forth from thee
These walls that surround me
Fortifications
Of independence, strength
It dwells truly
But where can I be vulnerable?
Breakdown
Have someone hear me fully, truly?
Ridden with logic, rationality
From naively dreaming, pleasing
Believing in unseen forces, philosophies
That only brought me shame, misery
Always imperfect, never good enough
Oh logic, the way you protect
Rationalize
Neutralize my expectations
Prepare for the worst
Hope for the best
But these sensations are real
In my chest, in my mind, and under my skin
These thoughts I hear and manifest
Oh passion, for all that is good in this world
I must believe in thee
I yearn for thee judiciously
Thou art my creative drive, flow
The will to fight, be, and conquer
Passion givest me slack, a break
Reminds of excellence within me
Reminds of all that couldst improve within me
Passion makes lonely bearable and valuable
Because passion is within my interests, my endeavors
Within me
I share, give, receive, and return
In only the most understanding sincere genuine places
Oh, passion because my heart is heavy and torn apart
I must protect and object
But this treasure hunt, expedition
Has just begun
One day you shall burst free
One day I shall be myself most freely openly
Feel secure, trusting, heard, and understood
Without regret, without doubt
Oh, passion where art thou?
By: Amara Van Orden

For All That Is Good There Is Bad

2010-02-18T17:06:00.002-09:00

Prejudice, Discrimination
Inequality, Stereotypes
Dominance, Power
Hate, Rage
Selfishness, Egotistical
Pride, Stubborn
Regression
Starvation, Poverty
Condescension, Degradation
Greed, Vanity
Jealousy
Destruction, Deface, Vandalism
Blood, Sweat, Tears
Pain, Misery
Self-pity, Suicide
Desperation
Accidents, Injury, Disease
Crash, Burn, Cold
Slip, Fall
Stab, Shot, Wounded
Stalked, Abuse
Torture, Murder
Rape
Imprisonment
Execution
Trauma
Fear
Darkness
Death
I see it, I hear it, I feel it everyday
This tension
The struggle to depict the black from the white
It can be depressing and a dark place
But a life of worry and paranoia is no life
So I appreciate what I have
My mostly has been well-rounded good life
Yet I am trying to deflect the many evils of society
Trying not to give in
Trying to avoid
Prevent
Trying to not become enthralled, overpowered, mislead
Overcome my ignorance, my arrogance everyday
Everyday I see it, I hear it, I feel it
I am afraid one day it will catch up to me
But fear is the root of all evil
All I can do is be self-aware
Self-control
Not lose hope or faith
In people
In the many joys and fulfillments of life
In my abilities
Remember who I am and who I want to be
Not be afraid to change for the better
Forgive and remain compassionate
And only take my fear so far as a defense mechanism
An indication of who I don’t want to be
What I will avoid and overcome rationally
By: Amara Van Orden

Reminiscing Nostalgia and Presence of Mind

2010-02-02T00:45:00.001-09:00

The intensity of the music
The way it floods the memory
A reminiscing nostalgic moment
The past lurking beneath layers and layers
Of fortifications
The way it can suddenly linger on the surface
A tension that spreads throughout one’s neurons
Firing a moment in time
Changes one’s mood or way of thinking in an instance
A sudden metamorphosis
The way it can appear in a dream
The way a scent, a word, an object, a voice, a song
It can suddenly awaken emotions
Memories vividly taunting
Memories vividly comforting
Laughable, shameful, pleasurable
Or painful, the worst kind of all

Reminiscing the nostalgia
A yearning for the past
Whether to change or re-experience it
Or moments that never seem to pass
But remained buried
Ready to peep out of its hole
At any vulnerable moment

It is easy to remember
And hard to forget
But it is also hard to remember
And easy to forget
We say we move on
We say we let it go
And the majority live on
Despite the woes and pains
That could justify a cynical man
Or a women unmotivated to get out of bed
Yet these experiences make-up who we are
Lend to motivation more than we realize
The beauty of pain
Makes one stronger, wiser, and compassionate
The beauty of the past being the past
We can always change
We can always learn
And hopefully only recall with dignity
And neutrality
And understand tomorrow can be a better day

By: Amara Van Orden

Presence Of Mind
Focus, Focus
Split one second
Snatch, zoom
Don’t blink
It could be gone for good
Don’t blink
Time is so precious
It slips straight through the hands
Hear it
The sound of the ticking
Of your thoughts
As the mourning wind swifts
Sifts it all away
Time, time , time
How much you have taken away!
Time, time, time
How much you have helped me forget
How much you have given at the same time
It is here and now
Or it is never
Never… what a scary thought
Such emptiness and regret
Hence here I go
I will sail away with the wind
Presence of mind
Means presence of presence
Like I said here I go
Going, going
…gone
By: Amara Van Orden

Freedom Of Mind

2010-01-03T17:00:00.001-09:00

Transformation of thoughts
Of being
Fuller understanding
The cognitive distortions
Misinterpretations
Of experiences, my past, others
The ridiculous justifications
Mythical reasons
Fantastic imaginations
Seeing through the deception
The unhealthy attitudes
The blame, the self-doubt, self-hatred
Needs to stop
It will stop
When it matters more what you think
What you feel
What makes you happy
Give yourself more credit
For the accomplishments
Goals reached
Everything seems so much clearer
Because I have found freedom of mind
Now my actions are based
On my personal ideals
My personal instinct
On balance, joy, rationality
Not on guilt
Just based on personal experiences
On knowing the natural consequences of this universe
Based solely through my senses and perception of reality
Less complicated, less demeaning
Less forced, less misery
Control of self within my hands only
It is a freedom of mind
To realize
I have every right to feel like I can rely on myself
That I am capable, have potential, and value
To believe in myself
To pursue happiness
By my means and share if others accept
People judge but I shall no longer judge myself harshly
Because I have good intentions, desires
Just want to experience this life fully
And what it has to offer
And would like to make a difference
Help others discover their freedom of mind
Their joy
Have a little more faith in others, myself
Humanity
Because we are way too hard on ourselves
When all we need is a little more encouragement
A little more shared understanding and communication
An open mind
Slow down and breathe in
Expand our awareness
And realize we are all going through similar things

By: Amara Van Orden

Rhythm Breaker Taker

2009-12-23T12:08:00.000-09:00

Rhythm breaker, taker
Play on words
In and out
Swivel the meaning
Straightforward too simple
Give me twists and bends
Complexity only makes me stronger

Give me strength
Give me strength
These words
Give me balance
Give me balance
Expression power
Expression tension
Like the teapot boiling
Shhhwheeezzzz
The releasing steam
I can feel the tension releasing

Organize sporadic thought process
Gather life experiences
Put in script to crypt
The haters and blamers
The hardships, warships
The heartbreakers, players
Only great inspiration
Great realizations

The users and disbelievers
Ignorant, let rhythm breaker taker enlighten
Only the wrong questions and assumptions
Stereotypes, retype….. click clack click clack
Optimist, turning the bad into glad
Forget, forgot, the optimist toughest

Hence let the players play
Because, “All the world’s a stage”
And the rhythm is my game

By: Amara Van Orden

Just Come Closer

2009-12-01T01:08:00.001-09:00

The stirring gaze
Just come closer
Magnetism
Chemistry mixes and mingles
It is intoxicating
Scents, temperature
Just breathe in
Logic, hesitance falls to the floor
Desire, euphoria shoots to the head
A dangerous fearlessness
But a conquering fearlessness
Just two people in the whole wide world
And the world feels so small, so beatable
Give me your heart
Take my hand
Give me your thoughts
Fall into the crevices of my sides
I feel perfectly under control, don’t you?
When I move this way
And you move me your way
I rationally thought this through
When two bodies and minds keep colliding
The laws of attraction must be
Hence it is okay
Just surrender
I will not think any less of you
Or think too highly of you
Classic feelings
Set them free
Just trace the blue lines boiling beneath my skin
Exploding with fiery passion
Just brush my lips
I know it will tell you everything you need to know
I want to feel alive
Listen to the steadiness of your breathing
Of your beating heart
I know you want to feel alive
So why resist
Give in
Sink further, further
Down with me
Into the depths
Of liberating comfort and warmth
Truly heard, truly felt, seen
Whispers of nothingness
Secrets unfolding
As the walls tumble down
Rising above the chaos of the mind
Clarity taking us higher
Just let go
As long as faith and mutual desire linger
This force can’t be reckon with
Only by the means of two free minds
Such as ours
Until then or perhaps until never
I know we could feel everything
See everything
And life would be just that much sweeter, greater
By: Amara Van Orden

Tomorow Could Be It

2009-11-09T00:09:00.000-09:00

Tomorrow could be it
Tomorrow everything could change
An essential climatic moment
Causing ripple effect across one’s life
Across others

Moods change from good to bad in an instance
Lightning strikes, shooting stars fly, temperatures drop and rise
Yes, life can change
Take an unexpected turn at any moment

Strange, life’s irony and mockery laugh
To take our anticipation and foresight
And turn it into false expectancy
“That’s not how I thought it would turn out!”
The dread of having high hopes or optimism
Or pleasant surprises that lift burdens or fill us with euphoria

Tomorrow I want it to come
Tomorrow are my routines, desires, and schemes
Tomorrow the product of my thoughts
Turning into action or things not acted upon

Yes, tomorrow could be it
But sometimes it ends up being not what we want
Sometimes it ends up only being a mistake or weakness

Hence today is all I need
Today must get done what could be
Learning to live in the moment
Yet not too much, or impulsivity could rule

Hence one eye to the future
One for the moment
And the back of my head to my past
Yet not forgetting but sensing it

Tomorrow is hope

By: Amara Van Orden

Perseverance

2009-11-01T17:39:00.003-09:00

More appreciation
Remembering to be grateful
For what I do have
For what I do receive
Acceptance
Accepting people, situations
For the way they just are
Always returning to the bigger picture
Its broadness rids my narrow-mindedness
My blindness
Keeping my eyes on the future
Not giving up
Not giving into hopelessness
Despite the confusion
The hardship
Moving onward
Always moving on
Knowing one day
Hard work
Focus
Have their rewards
Their opportunities and possibilities
Crucial to the reality of my goals
My dreams
Despite these everyday struggles
My inner demons
Enduring
Persevering
Inner strength
Finding the might to go on
The courage
Even when things don’t go the way I like
Even when I feel out of control
Do what I can to be in control
And of myself, most importantly
In the end,
This will only make me stronger
Wiser, evolved
The end of the tunnel seems so far away
But I can only get closer
By moving onward, on and on
By: Amara Van Orden

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. -Robert Frost

Our greatest joy is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. -Ecclesiastes 9:11

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. -Newt Gingrich

The Rhythm of the Heart

2009-09-22T22:20:00.000-08:00

The rhythm of the heart
Thumps at an average rate
Exhilarates with speeds freedom

Music hypnosis
Reality melts away
Replaced by an ambient world
Of specially constructed noises and rhythms
The little buds in the ears
Phenomenally puts one in a trance

Feel it in the toes, feet, fingers, muscles and bones
The rhythm it penetrates the restless soul
Let go
The body goes
Blood flow accelerates
Sugar rush, energy intake
Air flow deepens
Awakening the senses
Alive!

The friction of the limbs
Takes up space
Possessing a part of reality
Kinetic movement
Penetrates the quantum universe
The heat of the skin
The movement
Particles move in and out of place
At an alarming rate
Yet the body remains despite this organized chaos

Firing of signals
All it takes is the speed-of-light thought
The nerves instantly demand action
Takes over the mind
Feeling in control
A sanity and clear mindedness result
Untainted natural joy

Forgetting life’s foibles
A new founded energy
To face the challenges
And unpredictable events
The rhythm of the heart
A powerful phenomenon
The original music
Deepens one’s roots into reality
Let go and feel your bones

By: Amara Van Orden

Endurance

2009-09-20T01:15:00.000-08:00

Get it together
Think logically
A moment of weakness
This too shall pass
Whatever it takes
Sleep it off
Tomorrow everything
Seems better in the morning light
Just human
Sometimes need
A little compassion
Understanding
A listening ear
But when that’s not even around
Just need to tell myself
Everything will be alright
Take it day by day
Believe in myself
My abilities
Give myself a break
Just breathe
No one really knows
The shoes I fill
But I can’t expect anyone to be there
Learning to really do this on my own
Stay focused
Even when the curve balls come
Just can’t give up
So close
Don’t give up
By: Amara Van Orden

Stillness

2009-09-13T15:03:00.000-08:00

Falling snow
Silence
Not a brush
Or crunch
Echoes of
The cold air
Pierces the skin
Creeping through the veins
To un-warm the warming soul
She falls , she falls
Her mind breaking
With every failure
Catch, catch my fall
Losing her ground
Losing purpose and motivation
The darkness before the dawn
The hush after the quake
Where is the sheltered home
The burning stove
The relief for a starving soul
By: Amara Van Orden

Stay

2009-08-30T23:12:00.001-08:00

Fingertips grasping
Only touches wind
Looking all around
Only to see the long distance
Falling into grace
But grace can dissipate
Just like the wind passing through the hands
Reaching for the realness of warmth and comfort
Breathing in, coolness spreads
You’re not there
You’re not there at all
Are you just my third angel?
Outstayed
Time to fly away
Don’t fly away
By: Amara Van Orden

The Cookie Cutter II

2009-08-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

Lusting or desiring what cannot be
Or ends up being unimportant
Or requires more hard work, time, and patience
I believe in dreaming
Only to a realistic worthy goal extent though
Hence back to reality
Wake up! Wake up!
When selfish tastes overcome
Struggle with my flaws
Struggle with the person I wish to be
Life cannot be shaped by my cookie cutters
Life is my cookie cutter shaping me
Hence I surrender and let myself be among the chaos
Learning to alter the chaos into serenity
By the choices I make
That end up shaping me and my reality

By: Amara Van Orden

The Rush of Waiting

2009-08-06T10:03:00.001-08:00

What is one to do when the heart wrenches
And cries for freedom?
Let action give it satisfaction wings
Or deny the source of which both pain and ease exist in chorus

The rush of waiting is simple
It is playing hard to get
Or it is a clueless unfazed suitor
Or it is a frightened unsure admirer

Action delays due to cowardice
Action delays due to busy schedules and obligations

The rush of waiting
Restlessness
Late night heart spasms
Distractions plentifully enacted, yet un-redeeming
Admired found in incalculable corners and faces
Waiting speedily rigors passion
Yet waiting intoxicates the mind with illogic

Walking away

By: Amara Van Orden

Lose Yourself

2009-07-31T01:04:00.000-08:00

I want to be lost
Not found
I want to stay confused
Not clarified
But it doesn’t mean I have to
Go crazy
Start on a reckless path of self-destruction
Or hurtfulness
Just lose myself
Among the trees, the crossroads, and mountains
Just when you think you know yourself
There is more discover
Still I know my wants, needs, my goals
Just changing the way I think
My vision expanding
As I explore the never ending extent of knowledge
Explore, research, study, and ponder
This is the best part
Getting to know your self
The world
Everyone’s perspective and realities
It will take time
To make my own perspective
It will take experimentation
Case studies
Learning and experience
Before I figure out
Before I adapt it as part of myself
Honestly, naturally, genuinely
Until then I am an explorer
I am lost but not frightened
Confused but like a mathematician
I am just cracking the code
Solving the equation
Like a scientist
My research is just beginning
I will observe
Or throw myself into the thick of things
But I can be just as balanced
Just as good intentioned
It is the journey that matters
Not the destination
By: Amara Van Orden

Different Yet the Same

2009-07-19T11:48:00.002-08:00

A new hustling bustling part of this world
A different culture, history
Yet when I look around
Everyone seems to be going after the same things
Same facial expressions
Same body language
Same emotions
Even halfway around the world
I begin to believe, to see
We are much more similar
Than we realize
Much more reliant on each other
Than we know
Separated by boundaries and languages
Yet the full hearted wish to just share
To better understand each other
And want to be a part of something together
It is the space between
That defines where we are
By: Amara Van Orden

I Am Stronger On My Own

2009-07-02T23:44:00.003-08:00

I am stronger on my own
Yet still incomplete
I am stronger without you
Because my knees wobble
When you’re around
My heart skips a beat
Breath taken
Speechlessness
But you don’t catch my breath
So…
When I am with the ones
Whose knees I make wobble
I feel so adored, powerful
But I know it is wrong and leading on
So, I let them go
Because my breath is perfectly intact with them
My skin doesn’t tingle
My chest isn’t full of that overwhelming warmth
I have not yet met someone
Strong enough to be with me
I have not yet met someone
I can be strong enough with
And I am at that experimental age
And these are supposed to be my
Peak athletic years
So I am single, single
Because they say
I would do so much more
I would see so much more
And these are the times
When everyone thinks
You should have everything you need
Be everything
Before you fall in love or settle
Yet I know better
Falling in love is never convenient
It is never planned
Plus who wants to be with someone who is perfect?
Who has reached their potential before your own?
And I am at that age
Where I question everything
When liberal thinkers
Make up the plethora of my education
My entertainment
I will admit
I like being able to do whatever I want
I like just being me
An individual of freedom
No one critical of my actions
Of my habits
But shouldn’t the one you love
Let you be an individual
Because that is what makes
Any relationship interesting, complementary
I really do value my independence
My alone time
But at the end of the day
It is the people in my life that matter the most
Because if there is one thing
I am doing at least right in my life
The most worthwhile valuable aspects of my life
It is the love I learn from others
It is the love I am giving
By: Amara Van Orden

The Go-Get-Her

2009-06-14T21:10:00.004-08:00

Go-------------getter
R e s t l e s s e n e r g y
Hiiigggghhhlllly motiiiiivvvvated
100% Max-i-mum
Half-hearted
Half-done
Just not ME
Work HARD
!!!Do It!!!
Think hard, live hard
Because I thrive on challenge
Busy schedule, late nights
Go, go, til’ I drop
So much to see
So much to do
So little time
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop
But I am fully alive
So alive
I dance, I sing, I run
I climb over hills, rocks, and valleys
I explore and absorb the scenery
Capture the moment
Breathe the moment
Because life is invigorating
Life can be so sweet
So I give my all
Live to my best
So I can be my best
Reach my full potential
So much to learn
So much to experience
I sweat it out
Work it out
Try hard
Stepping out the box
Creativity is about breaching the boundaries
Going beyond that same old routine
Always exploring
Always observing
Variety is the spice of life
I thrive on diversity
Open my mind
Open my heart
Because the universe responds
To that which has room, makes room
And gives and gives
My heart is full
Always willing to love
I am learning to overcome its limitations
Its boundaries
Hence go get what you want
And it may change and fluctuate
But that’s the beauty of pursuing what you want
Setting goals
Accomplishing steps
Conquering the spontaneity
And the unexpected
Only to take advantage of life’s curve balls
You discover yourself
Discover life
Your wants and needs
Become more and more clearer with time
The unnecessary and destructive
Becomes more easily overcome
And done in the past
Where it should stay
Blurred, while I move onward
Bye…. Bye…. the holder downers and dream crushers!
So go get it!
Because I am up-mostly motivated
Happiest
When I work hard for what I want
What I need
For my dreams
Failure comes
But it only makes one stronger
More resourceful and creative
I am a go-getter
I am not ashamed of it
Because life has so much to offer
By: Amara Van Orden

Satisfaction does not come with achievement, but with effort. Full effort is full victory. -Mahatma Gandhi

Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit. -Conrad Hilton

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand. -Woodrow Wilson

Laundering of the Mind

2009-06-10T23:45:00.002-08:00

The girl who couldn’t sleep
Instead doing some laundry
Grab a bag of Doritos
Midnight snack
Carbs make me sleepy
Awaiting the end of the spin cycle
Stretch my tan legs across the dryer and washer
Lean against the wall
Such a different perspective at this height
Sitting, contemplating
Look up
I see cracks in the ceiling
Make a mental note to mention it
This moment strangely peaceful
Uplifting
A moment to myself
Thinking in wonderments
The lullaby of the spinning
A hypnotic focus
Discovering more about myself
Sometimes I feel un-malleable
Like the same old “me”
But sometimes I can even be a mystery to myself
Amazed by these simple moments
The way it brings me back to my center
My motives, thoughts, feelings better understood
Just sitting on the washer and dryer
Eating chips
Letting my eyes close
Drifting in meditation
Mechanical noises drone away
Into a oddly surprisingly enlightening moment
Initiated best by the simplest activities
The simplest moments
By: Amara Van Orden

Break It Up

2009-06-06T12:28:00.002-08:00

You know I am going to…
Break the patterns
Breaking the habits
Change
Metamorphose
Because making the same mistakes twice
That’s just out of the equation
Because I am a mathematician
I can solve, dissolve
Divide, multiply
According to my will
According to my state of mind
Options, possibilities, pathways
That is my choice
They say the brain can change itself
Heal it self
Human resilience, adaptation
Unlike any natural phenomena
Happiness comes in milligrams
Takes an open mind, open heart
To take any environment, situation
Make the most of it
See its abundance, potential
I am not perfect
Far beyond that
But wisdom is power
Just like knowledge
So I soak it in
Learn from myself
From others mistakes
Because I don’t want to be stuck in a rut
So I am breaking the patterns
The habits
Only nourish the good ones
Resistance to the sinister heeding
Progression
Going, going
Onward on
Endurance
Because I am fully alive
And an uncannily self-aware being
I am here now
And it matters more what I do now
What I learn now
What I do to change and experience
Overcome the addictions
The weaknesses
It takes time
And a willpower strong and broad
But just like my body
Just like my intellect
I can exercise it
It can become stronger and wider
By: Amara Van Orden

Kinetic Movement

2009-05-29T23:00:00.001-08:00

This is the moment
Where I take control
Clear my mind
Dissolve my worrisome thoughts
Getting out
Going up
Faces, Places, Friends
Flirt
Let my hair down
Dress to impress
To express me
Get comfortable
Because anyone can notice
A faker on the dance floor
Let loose
Joints to point
Let the bass move you
Massages through you
Higher with every throbbing beat
Jump out of your skin
Your mind
Expression tension
Feel the release
Boys and girls come together
Leaving behind drama at the door
Because tonight is the night
To forget
To let go
The human body was meant to move
To go, to flow
Don’t you feel that natural high
Satisfying the natural itch
To express, connect, to come closer
To become a part of reality and its matter
Kinetic movement
Body heat
Sweat, chemicals intermingle
Intoxicating
But no one cares as long as the music keeps going
As long as we all keep going
As long as the world is yours and mine to share
By: Amara Van Orden

Kinetic enegry - the energy of a body or a system with respect to the motion of the body or of the particles in the system. -dictionary.com

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. -Japanese Proverb

Dancing is the poetry of the foot. -John Dryden

The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word. ~Mata Hari

Movement never lies. It is a barometer telling the state of the soul's weather to all who can read it. ~Martha Graham

Sweet Clarity

2009-05-13T09:52:00.006-08:00

Window panes
Curtains
Wide open
Free flowing air
On a windless quiet sunny day
When one door closes
Another door opens
Or even windows
Impossible to possibility
Clarity passing over
Self-defeating
Assuming eyes
Seeing is believing
But seeing can also be deceiving
Intuition
Faith
Truth is much clearer
Stepping out of my shoes
Broadening horizons
The grander picture
It is becoming all so very clear
A moment in time
When peace, happiness, and fulfillment
Collide into one
One state of revelation
Like being on the dance floor
One with the music
The lights
The bass
It flows through the body and mind
Enigmatically moving one into a
State of freedom
State of empowerment
When you let your mind go
Your body flow
All under your control
Taking over space
Oh, sweet clarity
God has heard my prayers
And He has answered
I know, I think I really do know
Finally...
I was blind but now I see
It is so clear
So clear
What I want, what I need
I am ready to just be
See where the spontaneity
The variety
The endless opportunities
The spiritually fulfilling
Exciting moments
Savor this sweet clarity
And its easement and empowerment
Carry it with me
And just be
By: Amara Van Orden

The Supposed Feelings

2009-04-18T23:00:00.001-08:00

Trying to find the words
Words to express
How I feel every time
You pass my mind
Unexpectedly pleasant wave of heat
When it is early and the floor is freezing
Shivers release into my body
When I recall your voice
A melodic song that seeps into my mind
Sedation, a lullaby that could put me asleep
How I feel every time I am around you
A thrill, a challenge
The courage to ride that rollercoaster
Or jump off a cliff into the water crashing
How I feel about your gaze
A book, inviting yet full of mystery
So many thoughts and possibilities lie ahead in that plot
You lure me in like wind chimes in the wind
You make feel like
I have been wrapped in a warm freshly dried blanket
I could lay asleep in it
Sinking down and down
So dreamy, a rejuvenating deep sleep
It is hard to wake up
If I do, I lazily lay about
Until the alarm clock beeps it ravenous sounds
I condemn my logic for awakening from the dream
But in the end it is a supposed feeling
This I have learned with any euphoric state-of-mind
It fades and can be thrown its harsh and sorrowful bones
Or perhaps a bone of independence
Or a bone of sensibility
Maybe the euphoria fades, but contentment can be found
But fear not, euphoria
It is meant to be a treasure
Cherished, a buffer for a forming bond
A reminder of the falling times spent together
Not a necessity or addiction
But a reflection of emotion, connection, of forming love

By: Amara Van Orden

The Ending Beginning

2009-02-25T15:00:00.008-09:00

The fall day.
Dead leaves.
Crisp air.
The way it rolls in and over hills.
The restful sleep before the storm.
Memories of hot summers slowly lurking away.
But always there to mingle, linger,
To haunt.
My heart on the searing pavement.
Slowly falling away with every yellow and white line.
But breathe in the sweet renewal lingers
In the sleepy wind.
I can taste it.
Morning dew.
Swifts right on in.
Purifying.
I can hear it.
Mourning howls and thralls.
Carry away.
Hopeless thoughts, hopeless dreaming.
So close.
Feel it on the fingertips
Gracing through the hair
Sensational
Filling up and all around spaces of physicality
Through the mind.
Clears the mind
Change of weather patterns
In a state of being
Inexplicable freedom, sweetness.
Leaving my heart on that searing pavement.
Far, far away.
Lines speeding by.
Worry traffic, emotionality miles away.
Only a mind of falling snow
Preoccupying all the unnecessary spaces
Every snowflake and kind
Wisdom, determination, rationality, forgiveness
Such a fall day!
The dead leaves just keep rolling and rolling away.
Sweet renewal.
By: Amara Van Orden

"When everything that ticked has stopped, And space stares, all around, Or grisly frosts, first autumn morns, Repeal the beating ground."
- Emily Dickinson, Time and Eternity, LXXV

"I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the
landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter.
Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show."
- Andrew Wyeth

"Lo! sweeten’d with the summer light, The full-juiced apple,waxing over-mellow, Drops in a silent autumn night. All its allotted length of days. The flower ripens in its place, Ripens and fades, and falls, and hath no toil, Fast-rooted in the fruitful soil." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

Happy Happenstance Days

2009-02-06T18:44:00.004-09:00

Happy Happenstanc-ing days
Expect the unexpected
Open your eyes
The way knowledge
Intermingles, divides, and reveals in our eyes
The way lives
Collide and combine and find
Déjà vu
Chill factor
When words, ideas repeat
When questions and thoughts are answered
In the most unexpected, least unanticipated ways
Signs, coincidences, revelations
Such a serendipitous life
Kismet, predestination, innate, blank slate, one’s own sweet way
Call it what it is
But such a serendipitous life
When I open my eyes
Breathe in, observe, and servile
To the beauty of a tainted world
Blessings in disguise
Blessings almost everywhere
Can’t help but smile, laugh, or even sometimes dance
Take in the blissful, peaceful, fulfilling moments
Endowed and found from within, to without
Simple inspirations
The old friend
New conversations, new faces
Re-acquaintance and reaffirming our communication
Our relationships
The song that infuses the mind with muse
Infuses the bones with motivation
The smell of spice or sweetness right out the oven
Thoroughly enjoying each bite of daily nourishment
The purr, warmth, and playfulness of a furry companion
The random article, lecture, or show that connects even more synapses
The literary medium that completely immerses one’s mind
Into a new world, time, and place
The simple walk around the block
Or that extra few minutes run despite the urge to give up
Dilemmas, challenges
Only to brainstorm and somehow problem solve
To take what resources and overcome and triumph
Or if anything learn and grow
The goal set and accomplished
A productive day at work or just in life
The prayer said and answered or at least acknowledged
Thanking God despite the whys, hardships, and misunderstandings
For even the worst moments because
I would have never learned
Never been as grateful or wiser without them
Not as strong or courageous as I am now
So, when the pessimism and hopelessness has passed
When the blame game has subsided
That lingering surface below flows
Personal responsibility
Personal attitude and reflection
One’s perception is one’s reality
My life, I see how almost everything has a reason
I see the good and the bad
But can’t help but emphasize the good
Sow and reap the good
When I have been blessed in so many ways
When my eyes have been blatantly or subtlety opened
When God always seems to outsmart and surprise me
Every time with his unwavering love and presence
It is then this serendipity, serendipitous life
I can’t help but shout out of all the special days
And rather say happy happenstanc-ing days!
By: Amara Pearl VanOrden

Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.
- Lawrence Block

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’, but ‘That’s funny …’
- Isaac Asimov

One aspect of serendipity to bear in mind is that you have to be looking for something in order to find something else. -Lawrence Block

Haunted and Daunted

2009-01-28T23:00:00.001-09:00

Oh, the silent whispers.
Words of bitter cold.
The icicle breath pricks the soul.
I find myself frozen.
The words they so soothingly bring me down.
Here I lay still.
Wandering amid this bittersweet ambiance.
The whispers let me sway away into it.
Entrapped.
The ever-flowing coldness
That everlastingly remains within.
The skin creeps, the mind sighs, the heart cries.
Oh, sweet sorrow.
I feel it now swell.
It dwells, so shallowly full.
A wallowing fear.
Haunted.
Daunted.

By: Amara Van Orden

Quenching the Lovely

2009-01-28T22:19:00.001-09:00

Blue-green sunlit springs
Quench my thirsted heart
Ease on in
Create life from these sand dunes
Take the desert rose and make it scarlet
Calm the erratic harsh storm
With melodies of thy flowing water
Mysterious pale moon
Scatter thy beams and cool my burning
Shine softly upon my blinded eyes and crisped lips
Twinkling diamonds that polka dot the sky
Direct me out of this endless dune
Polaris be my guiding light
Lead me to the destination

By: Amara Van Orden

Thank You

2008-11-30T10:59:00.008-09:00

Thank you music
Thank you to all the poets, singers, artists
All the creative minds ever imagined and brought to past
Thank you Picasso, Raphael, Da Vinci, Michael Angelo…
Thank you Plato, Socrates, Aristotle….
Thank you Sparta and Athens
The 300 warriors at Thermoplyae
Thank you to Shelley and her Frankenstein
Thank you Shakespeare and his Hamlet
Thank you Emily Dickinson
Thank you Jane Austen
Thank you to the monks who kept records
Wrote stories and history preserved
In their faithful monastery walls
Thank you Achilles, Athena, and Thor….
Thank you all constitution signers
Thank you Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jefferson…
Thank you Bill Gates and IBM
Thank you to Gray’s Anatomy and healers
Thank you to those who stand up for what is right and true
Thank you Gandhi
Thank you Martin Luther King Jr.
Thank you to those who defend freedom and the right to live
Thank you to warm showers, clean water, and plentiful food
Thank you to warm or light clothes
Thank you to teachers and educators and researchers
Thank you to health care and insurance
Thank you to those who listen, smile, or make others laugh
Thank you to strangers that compliment or comment
Thank you to strangers that help a dead car or person in the ditch
Thank you libraries and cafes
Thank you Lara Croft and Indiana Jones
The countries and cultures I have discovered
The adventurous spirit I have gained
Thank you dance instructors and coaches
Thank you to yoga and treadmills
Thank you to paper, my means of venting, recording
Sets my imagination and heart free
Thank you to those who broke my heart or rejected me
I am a lot better without them
Yet stronger and wiser because of them
Thank you pain receptors and emotional reactions
I can feel and experience and my heart grows bigger
Thank you to the liars and users
I can better avoid the manipulators and cold ones
Or act ignorant but still be civil
Thank you to those who dared me or pushed me
Thank you Mother Nature
The peace and inspiration I have gained on her mountains
In her woods and on her trails
Thank you to God
Who gave me life and a family
For answering my prayers, showering me with blessings
Thank you to my King and Savior
For forgiving me, holding me up, and healing me
Helping me through the worst of times
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
And the list goes on!
Just a few things
I cannot imagine myself without or the world without
By: Amara Van Orden

“Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift.” - Unknown

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.” -Anthony Robbins

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Fighting for Me

2008-11-15T00:10:00.002-09:00

Letting go
A long patient time energy taking process
I am learning to let go
I am learning
There will be up and downs
There will be moments of self-assuredness
Then others of hesitance, uncertainty
But what is most important
Is that I stick by me
I stand by me
Because in the end all I have is me
I am a fighter
I am an open learner
I never ever give up
Because I am the instigator of my own destiny
I am the result of my consequences
I will take responsibility
I don’t hide or run
Even if it hurts
In the end I will only be
Stronger and wiser
Mistakes, weaknesses
Don’t hold me back
Don’t scare me
Because I break the mirror
And make my own luck
I jump a few stairs, faith
And land on my own two feet balanced
I sing at the top of my lungs
And let the music blare
I am not ashamed
It’s just how I cope
I am not ashamed of my love
And its failed attempts
Because those failures gave me gumption
Gave me self-reliance and confidence
Because when I realize
All I really have is me
You learn to accept your independence and place
You learn to love yourself more than anyone else could
You learn to fight for yourself first
Fighting for me
By: Amara Van Orden

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. -Unknown

Do we not realize that self respect comes with self reliance? -Abdul Kalam

Help yourself, and Heaven will help you. -Jean de la Fontaine

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance. - Bruce Barton

The Fish Hook

2008-10-29T21:57:00.003-08:00

She swayed like a branch in the wind
Wait, not a branch but a tree!
Stout, strong, flexible
Eyelids closed
Goosebumps creeping
From within to out
Electric spine
Propagation milliseconds
Beyond thoughts
Somberly sober willful expression
Limb to limb, side to side
The way she moved
Rhythmic, hypnotic
Easy to sense, easy to see
Her flow, her jitterbug feet
An aura of triumphing pain, confusion
Fused as one
The fish hook beat
The melodic voice
As if it came from the heart
From her mind
Her sanctuary
Bubbling over all bystanders
Falling into the trance
Of human expression
Of human creation

By: Amara Van Orden

Red, Rose, Wool, Pedestals and Blindness

2008-09-21T23:19:00.005-08:00

Author’s note: A little bit of a brain teaser, no typos, just a play on words

Seeing red
Rose colored glasses
Put on a PedestaL
The p edesta l must come down
Must, come down!
Hold my head hIGH
Feet on the g r o u n d
Turn around
Run, run, run!
Until the horizons BuRsT
New dawn, new beginnings
Because HoldingOn
Can be a lot more damaging than l-e-t-t-i-n-g-G O!
Rather know the truth and face the pain
Then be dnilb and tnarongi
STRONGER and Wiser
In the end anyways
Wasted t:ime
Wasted e e g
n r y
Suppose it had to take me that loooonnnnngggggg
To finally pull the
Wool
Off
Over
My
Eyes
When that happens
All that can be done
Simply m o v i n g forward
Sear for the genuine and true ching
Believe in your ability to discern
And not make the same mistakes twice twice
Believe that there are people out there
Who have good intentions and desires
Who are ching for genuinity and truth sear
Just like yourself

By: AearlPmaraVrdenOan

Honest hearts produce honest actions. -Brigham Young

Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. - Author Unknown

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. - Rollo May

The Young Adult

2008-09-21T11:30:00.001-08:00

Young and free
To explore our horizons
Afraid of missing the action
Of losing that spark of curiosity
And excitement that we are able to
Conjure or find in anything
Escaping responsibility
Yet taking the bull by the horns
When we realize the inevitable
Accepting our place
Letting go of the youthful past
And we either build our own future
With steady goals of progress
With a dream or great motivation behind it all
Or become society’s self-fulfilling prophecies

By: Amara Van Orden

“When I can look life in the eyes, grown calm and very coldly wise, life will have given me the truth, and taken in exchange - my youth.” -Sara Teasdale

“Many people use their youth to make their old age miserable.” - Unknown

“Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.” -Oscar Wilde

The Wander Lusting For the World

2008-09-08T20:22:00.004-08:00

One day I am going to jump on a plane

When I need to get away
No hesitation or speculation
Anywhere like Italy, Peru, or Japan
All I will have is a guide book, passport, and map
To help me get around
Maybe I will get lost
Maybe I will have no idea what anyone is saying
I won’t care
As long as I immerse myself in the culture, the moment
If I pass a bungee jumping business
I will do it
If I pass an ancient temple
I will go enter it
If I pass a strange cuisine restaurant
Full of wild or exotic foods
I will give them a taste
If I have to I will stay in hostels
I will backpack to places
Or maybe if possible rent a bike
Or just hope buses and taxis are readily available
Or rent one those cute small European cars
Maybe I will meet a nice foreign boy with pure intentions
Who could show me around
Yeah, right! (In my dreams)
Maybe I will run into an old wine vineyard house
Off in the hills of Tuscany
Buy it and decide to stay and just write books
Maybe I will go into an ancient Buddhist temple
And monk would kindly teach me
The ways of meditation and of being unworldly
Maybe a master of Kendo will teach me the way of the sword
And I can begin to imagine the life of a samurai
Maybe I will hire a Peruvian guide
To take me to Machu Picchu
I will imagine the civilization that once flourished there
I can’t forget to take a stroll through the Amazon
And at one point I may have to
Use a rope and handlebars to swing me down over a cliff
And believe me I will do it
Maybe I will get bitten by some exotic bug
Or run into a cougar
As long as I lived in the moment
And hopefully come out in one piece
And fulfilled my dream
These fears and possible cultural or environmental hazards
It will not stop me from dreaming

And eventually doing my little adventures
Because worrying will only stop me from living
But yes, one day I will quench my wanderlust
I will set free the little Lara croft that has been running around in me
Ever since I watched Indiana Jones and the Travel channel
Read Arabian Nights and a dozen books on archaeology
Crossed the U.S. from New York to Utah several times
Trekked the Alaskan Highway and climbed mountains
The world has been inside my room several times
Waiting for me to let it float out the window and surround me
Maybe it will not happen any day soon
But one day I will jump on a plane
Because there is a whole other vast world going on all around me
Sometimes I lose perspective and forget that there is so much more
I am just a needle in the hay stack
That wishes to be found and thrown out into the thick of things
And I wholeheartedly believe the crave of adventure
It is legitimate, a worthy cause
Because life is about learning, gaining knowledge and experience

The best way to grow or progress is to step into the unknown

By: Amara Van Orden

"Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potentiality." -John Amatt
The wind is old and still at play/ While I must hurry upon my way, /For I am running to Paradise;/Yet never have I lit on a friend/To take my fancy like the wind/That nobody can buy or bind.... - William Butler Yeats

The Dark

2008-08-24T18:04:00.003-08:00

The dark
Its silence and peace
Shadows creep
People sleep
Silhouettes of mountains
And unknown shadowy figures
The dark
Mysterious and unknown
Yet an urge
Drive all night
When the world is still
When you can see nothing
Run at twilight
When the air is cool
And streets are empty
When the stars shine
A wonderment of mind begins
Of me, myself, and the universe
Expands me beyond my skin into space
When the moon
Glimmers beaming bright
Into my sanctuary
Bouncing off my skin
And sleeping eyes
Comfort found in this cold glorious light
Reminds of the grandeur and majesty
Beyond this world and life
The dark is still
Time to finally breathe and see inside the self
When looking outside the self all day long
When breathing is easily forgotten in daylight
The dark
Revealing
When the mind wanders before sleep
Revelations of the day and self
Rise to the surface bluntly
Revealing
When the cowards come out
Use the dark as a cover
When loneliness easily overpowers
Or any emotion feels exaggerated at this worn-out hour
Revealing
Whether sleeping it off
Making changes tomorrow
Or staying up, facing your demons
They always seem to magically appear out of the dark
The way you face your demons is what matters most though
The dark
Universally known or felt as fear
Yet once faced with darkness
And one resists its seductive misleading power
Able to see right through it
Find the dark is just an abused power
And is meant for calming and putting to rest nature
By its natural sedative affect
The dark
Life changing
Confronting fears
That pivotal moment
Letting the fear rule you
Escaping the pain of it self-destructively
Or looking it in the eye
Choosing to not let it control you
Realizing even when it is dark
One can still shine
Even when it is dark
Good can be found

By: Amara Van Orden

"And the night shall be filled with music/And the cares that infest the day/Shall fold their tents like the Arabs/And as silently steal away."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Day Is Done

"Learn to reverence night and to put away the vulgar fear of it, for, with the banishment of night from the experience of man, there vanishes as well a religious emotion, a poetic mood, which gives depth to the adventure of humanity." -Henry Beston

Shut My Mouth, Shut My Mind, Shut My Heart II

2008-08-09T01:58:00.005-08:00

Shut my mouth, shut my mind, shut my heart
Whatever it takes, to move on, to let go
Must not have those kind of thoughts
Must not daydream
Must not sigh, regret, or despair
Just let it flow, let it go
What’s done is done
What’s meant to be will be
Even though it is really hard to believe that right now
It is really hard to see how my future will be altered
So I can finally maybe have my “happy ending”
Happy ending?
I don’t believe in fairy tales
I don’t believe in soul mates
I do believe in love though
In its power to expand, grow, and heal
Bring peace, joy, and comfort
To change even the worst into good
Still I don’t want to rush
Because as said fools rush in
I don’t want to be blind
I don’t want to have to change
Or give up any part of me just to
“Make it work”
If I change or sacrifice
I want it to be genuine
I want it to be unconditionally given out of love
I don’t want to be desperate
And just “settle”
Or do something mad
And feel ashamed or dumbfounded
By my possessed behavior the next day
I don’t want to force any situations
Just let chemistry and falling in love
Take its natural course
And hope my love is strong enough
To last beyond that lusty high stage
I have lived long enough
To have had my heart broken a couple of times
I have seen enough
To just sometimes not care
And not want to make an effort anymore
I have felt deeply enough
To sometimes not know what to do with myself
Enough that sometimes I wish my heart wasn’t so big
Yet in the end despite the sorrow, heartache, and regret
Despite my wisdom enough to know
I could just shut my mouth, shut my mind, shut my heart
Never feel pain again
Yet life without pain allows no room for growth
More opportunities for one’s love to grow
I have my “woe-is-me” moments
Still I know tomorrow anything is possible
I know I have the power to choose
Sometimes all it takes is exercising your willpower
It can make a profound difference in a moment, in a relationship
Still I know I am strong enough to be on my own
I don’t need a knight in shining armor
I am not damsel in distress
I don’t need anyone to tell me you’re beautiful or so smart
I could have worked hard all day or been incredibly lazy
I still value myself above anything else at the end of the day
Especially when I know God created me
In the end it’s just this simple truth
When comes down to the roots of this complicated web
Of emotion, wisdom, and heartache
I am just human and wish to be loved like everyone else
And wish to share my love

By: Amara Van Orden

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." -Matthew 6:21

"Sometimes the greatest love is not found in the dramatic scenes that poets and writers immortalize. Often, the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life. True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us. We all yearn to experience love like this. Even when we make mistakes, we hope others will love us in spite of our shortcomings—even if we don’t deserve it." - Joseph B. Wirthlin, “The Great Commandment,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 28–31

Go On, Go On!

2008-08-05T12:09:00.002-08:00

I like the expression “go on”
It sounds so hopeful
It sounds so strong
An action verb
An expression of endurance and power
Just going and going on
When everything falls apart
Or seems too hard
All one can really do is go on
When you can let yourself be
And keep doing what you need
What you should
Even when the going gets hard
When you keep moving along despite it all
It proves your strength and your will power
I noticed going on is the best way to feel normal again
It somehow roots me back more into reality
Into the logic of my mind, less conflicted with emotion
Into my skin like awaking to the dawn dancing upon my skin
With my first waking breath I know I am alive and well
Ready for anything, ready to embrace the day
The clarity of moving along
Shines upon my sometimes chaotic mind and heart
Scattering the chaos with a light so bright and clarifying
I sometimes wonder how I got lost in the darkness
Yet I know the darkness is necessary
To understand what light is and to want to choose it
I go on and on
Time blurs the good and bad
I learn how to slow down time
When to speed it up
All I know is I must go on
Because letting myself drown in my sorrows
Or drown in the hardship of life
It is intoxicating unhappiness or underapperciation
All I know is that humans were meant to walk and run
Hence I keep walking on and on
I begin to feel purpose and reason behind it all
When I know God just wants me to keep walking
To keep enduring to the end
Even when the going gets hard
The best way to be I have learned
Is to go on
Hence go on, go on
Walk on, walk on
Life’s many opportunities and experiences
Will unfold and collide into you then
Life’s challenge will blur and pass
Only become apart of the stronger you
The one that gets in shape from all the walking
Sometimes its okay to take a break to stretch and breathe
Let the moment last
Let the heart, mind, and body rest in silence and peace
But then we must go on
If we are ever to keep learning, to keep growing
To make a difference
To keep loving
Hence go on, go on
Walk on, walk on

By: Amara Van Orden

"But the test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us. " - Henry B. Eyring, “In the Strength of the Lord,” Liahona, May 2004, 16–19

"Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience.
Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." James 5:10-11

"God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me."
Job 27:5

Resistance to the Heeding

2008-07-28T16:10:00.004-08:00

Resistance to the heeding
Only seems to drag me into
Heart wrenching lovely possibilities and memories
My heart sinking down
It sags with dread
I smell trouble and toil
The track my heart takes me
Yet it yells suck it up!
Get out of your comfort zone!
You must never give up
Never give up on love!
Such lovely misleading thoughts can leave a heart barren
And regretful

Overcome with fear
Recalling the stupidity and foolishness
The sleepless nights
The neediness to see the lovely person
The one that overtakes the heart
Possesses the thoughts
Sinking down even more into dread

The more I deny
The more my heart seems tug at its strings
The more agitated I become
Putting the frantic energy on supposed distractions
A pointless cure, except this energy does get things done

A hesitant, broken, or cold heart
Literally feels physical pain
When it begins to heal its cracks
The mind’s hesitation
The heart’s yearning
Conflicting, creates what is known as heartache

Confused and belittled
By the war between logic and emotion
What is one to do?
But naturally resist
It is so hard sometimes
To forget it
To not hope and try
To not desire it
In the end, will it be that same old love lesson?

And the neutral part of this war has to always remind me
The no man’s land, the spiritual part
The importance and great worthiness in the pursuit of love
Breathe in and out
Be still my achy hart
Be still my chaotic mind
The outcome does not matter
But the journey

By: Amara Van Orden

" [The lord] He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." - Psalms 147:3

“But the healing of a wound is an art not acquired by practice alone, but by the loving tenderness that comes from universal good will and a sympathetic interest in the welfare and happiness of others.” - Joseph F. Smith Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. (1939), 264.

Neutral

2008-07-25T00:55:00.003-08:00

Have you ever thought really hard, so hard, and you tried to stop but you couldn’t?
Every thought or image in your mind seemed to only lead down even more deeply
into the caverns of the blue emerald waters of the mind
that lead even further to a fresh water stream that leads even further to the ocean,
like a never-ending cycle.
I like to think hard, be contemplative, and ponder.
The more I do this the more I know myself.
The more I understand my motives and my beliefs
the ones I sometimes unconsciously slip.
The more I see which thoughts tear me down and bring me up.
I begin to be more aware of my actions, my surroundings, especially people.
The more I feel as if life is sane and not so hard, but balance can be found among the opposites chaos and serenity.
I like this feeling of not being sad, sorrowful, angry, or even euphoric, cheerful, and outgoing, but rather a happy medium.
It is a peaceful state-of-mind.
The neutral zone of the mind.
Everything seems possible and attainable,
but in this neutral zone you do not want, lust, or crave the materialistic or selfish things, but
desire to be a better person.

By: Amara Van Orden

"Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established." -Proverbs 4:26